Dear Tube of Toothpaste,
Today I liberate myself from attempting to squeeze the last bit of paste out of you. I am so tired of doing this in some vain attempt at frugality. I am so over feeling guilty that I have not used up every last effort to force one last brush from you, tube. And this goes for you bottle of mostly gone lotion. I will no longer untwist your cap and attempt to dump the remains from the bottom of the container. I will no longer be cleaning up your messes. When I reach the final squirt of lotion, I WILL throw you out. I can no longer waste my time in meaningless efforts such as these. I am fed up with your lack of ability to suck the final remaining drops of lotion through your pump. Therefore, I stand in protest. And finally, to you hole ridden, elastic starved underwear. I am ridding myself of your inconvenience also. You are of no use to me. I will no longer pull you out and put you on and waste time unraveling elastic that has wound around the other laundry after I wash you. I feel extremely good about this decision. It has been a long time coming. Congratulations to me, and good-bye.
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3 comments:
Wow. a Red-Letter day, indeed.
If I were to throw away items like the ones you describe, I could reduce the mass contained within the four walls of my home by approximately 30%.
Good for you.
How much do I love you?!!! Laughing so hard right now. I am sure Miner will thank you.
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